I can’t believe I missed International Street Harassment Week!

by limitedliabilitygirl

And BOY, if you know me, you know I’m sorry I did, because I am all over that nonsense. For instance, I have a bonus example of both street harassment AND gaslighting to share with you, because I have thoughts about it.

A young man outside a bar this weekend called me “sweetheart” and was resentful when I didn’t take that so well, mocking me to his friend for my reaction. Only after his friend left could he risk the devastating blow to his masculinity caused by approaching me to apologize and explain (read: totally justify his behavior).

Him: “I’m just trying to be kind, other girls really like it.”
Me: “Welcome to the world: you’re being presumptuous. Don’t do that.”
Him: “I’ve been living in the world for 30 years (Ed: lol) and no one has EVER had a problem with it. I’m just being kind, saying that you look like a sweetheart.”

This is where it’s obvious he was lying and/or reading from an internal script, because if there’s one thing I don’t look like to strange men who take liberties, it’s “a sweetheart.” Also, and more pertinently: stop trying to convince me that I’m wrong to dislike your behavior because no other human being has ever objected to it in the history of the world as imagined by you! In this way, my street harasser usurped my right to even have an opinion about being infantilized and demeaned with a familiar, intimate word that he didn’t have the right to use.  He just redefined himself and his conduct as normal, and my objection as the non sequitur that didn’t make sense or fit events. I’m sure he would have loved it if I believed him and backed off, accepting his view of the world in which he was being politely flattering and I was being irrational and easily offended.

I’ve got news for that guy: I’ve been gaslighted by far more cruel and subtle actors than you, including (but not limited to) organized religion, history class, and at least one ex-boyfriend, and I’m onto all of you now. I’m not going to change the world by calling you out on a Saturday night, but I am going to make sure your terrible, horrible framing of the exchange doesn’t go unchallenged. Free, on the house.